it's not even winter..doesnt even feel anything close to autumn...but my rashes has come back again..i'm hoping it won't spread to my legs now...started on my right arm and now my left arm is "infected" too..
i hv been here abt a mth and my god..why did this come so fast?? how many times did i actually visit the doc within this month? i remember speaking to the nurse and i asked her if she remembers me cos I remember her..she was the one tt made such a big thing of my swollen feet last year and told me tt i hv to be bedridden or i have to wear crutches to school..
i pray i don get it this time again..although i noe for sure tt it wont be diabetes and kidney failure that made me cry for 1 whole week last year, it's still not a reassuring thing to happen to anyone..
i actually tried to take pics of my skin and thought of posting up here..but i decided against it in the end..it's not polite to i guess..i don noe.. if asked to describe, to me it looks like a WHOLE SWARM OF MOSQUITOES came to bite my arms such tt it's lumpy, red, dry and painful with open wounds.. but today when i went to the pharmacy, the guy handling my purchase asked if I BURNT MYSELF....for a moment, i was shocked..reali..i didn think of tt possibility..tt my rashes could very well pass as burns..
my response: i looked at my arms and while i sighed in my heart, i smiled a resigned smile at him and explained tt i am born with hypersensitive skin and this is a condition of atopic eczema or dermatitis..
how many times in my growing up years did i question why do i hv eczema?...why??? how much money did my parents spent since i was young and attached to the national skin centre and how many creams and medicines did i consume since then? my mother once said tt our home is like a mini pharmacy..i don doubt tt..NSC dispenses medicines by boxes..6 tubes of creams in one box and another 4 in another..and they are not cheap..how many steroids have i used till my skin thinned and its colour changed? how many foods i cant eat..how many activities i cant do...how many inconveniences tt i have to live with cos of my skin condition..how many stares and comments do i get...i cant answer all the questions here..but i can answer one..
---HOW MANY MORE YEARS MUST I LIVE WITH THIS?
Answer: forever..it cant be cured..even if i conscientiously dump huge amts of moisturisers on my skin and a nverending stream of steroids or anti-histamines to stop the itch..these are only stop-gap measures..it wont change things..even when i die..my children wont be spared..it's sad tt after all that i went through, i still hv to live with the possibility tt my children wld get this and suffer the same fate as me too..
the doctor in sch told me to do this to ensure tt the moisture is locked into the skin---apply my cream then apply a thick layer of moisturiser then take the PLASTIC WRAP tt is used to wrap up food to keep in the fridge overnight and wrap around my both arms tightly, then sleep. or i could choose to use a bandage...
my initial reaction was: what's the world coming to? i reali cant blif i need to bandage my arms to sleep..but i cant do anything except listen..
maybe..maybe i shd look on the bright side..tt if it comes earlier maybe it will go away and heal earlier too..so tt it wont be like last year when i looked so ugly and sore on my 21st bdae..
this is another question tt i cant ans..till that time..i guess i shd start my bandage ritual..it's late and i still got to experiment with the plastic wrap around my arms..
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5 comments:
sl, listen to the aussie doctors, although you complained abt them to me last year. afterall, if you dont listen to them, you cant do anythg to get it better. look at the brighter side. read my blog and tell me whether you're a carrot, an agg, or oolong tea! take care and get well soon.
既然無法改變它，就唯有接受它。
處之 泰然
共勉之
hi, i was just blog-hopping from Annabelle's blog..
i can empathize with you fully as i had very bad eczema as a child and teenager, with huge red, swollen patches and pus... like u, i also saw many doctors and lived with it in silent acceptance for many years. amazingly, i grew out of it after sec sch.
u may want to try doing a patch-test to find out if u're allergic to anything. for me, i was allergic to steroids. so applying medicine actually worsened it i think. and i think it's also stress-related. try to resist scratching it when u're stressed... and find other ways to relieve your stress..
hope you get better soon... =)
ShuLing,
OMG, I cant believe I just read this post. Sorry YT told me abt this b4, but I didnt know it is so serious.
Take care and dont get too depressed with that. You'll get better and better, just take more care of yourself as you are now away from home...
hey my frens,thanks for the wishes..i am basically fine but from experience, i noe the rashes r not full blown yet so i expect it to get worst. my arms r feeling v hot now..like it's forever burning n i don noe y. i cant wash it wif water cos doc says its drying. cos of the burning feeling, i feel like eating cold stuff all the time but of course, it doesn make me feel better cos it doesn go to the root of the prob.keep wakg up@nite too cos of the itch
to yt: i read tt fr my fren b4..it's reali inspirational but when tgs reali happen2 u, it's v hard2 apply this to ur life i guess.
to mb: learning to accept is reali hard, but yes, i will try.
to yx: yup, i wil tk care..i jus hope no1 ard me wil b2 terrified when they see me..it makes it worse i guess.
to shu: thanks alot for reali undg how i feel.i feel happie for u tt urs cleared by sec sch =). i did hope4 tt when i was young but gave up hope when e time past. what cream did u use in the end to cure ur eczema? also, now's far fr exam tm cos sch jus started in aussie..haha..so i am far fr being stressed..slacking is more appropriate..hee~
anyway, thanks alot to you guys once more..i reali appreciate it and hope what lies ahead is manageable for me too.
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